Once upon a time, in a land not so far away, a woman met a man, they fell for each other. And like in every story, they had a battle to conquer, an evil force to survive. Together they won the fight, and lived happily ever after …in a way.
In this story, the woman was no princess, heiress or goddess. She has magic within her, but of a different sort. It doesn’t twinkle and glitter in the dark, but it strengthens her from within. It lends a sparkle to her eyes and makes her soul shine. Like any good heroine she is generous, giving and kind. And she is also selfish, manipulative and harsh. She is good to her friends and family, and is also vain and greedy. She is not all good, or all bad. She is like every other human.
She builds her own castle, rides her own horse, makes her own money and is without a cruel step-mother or distant relative forcing her to do chores. And she is also looking for true love. She longs for a companion, a partner to depend upon, someone who can make the grueling days a little sweet, the lonely days fewer in number. Someone who can make all the loves songs on her playlist come to life, or at least enable her to experience those feelings Hallmark movies are made around. She wants to experience love, be in love and be loved, and understands that all of that can be very different.
She has kissed many frogs, toads, some pigs even, searching for someone special. And after many debaucheries she stumbled upon our hero. Quite literally.
Our man is no knight in shining armor. He is awkward and strange. He is loud and smells a little. He is short, comely and unpleasant. He is rich in character and humor. He has a wealth of knowledge, patience and understanding. He is kind, he is perceptive and has the capacity for empathy. He is humble and flawed, he is imperfect and attractive, he is unlike any fantasy, but better than a dream. He has a half-constructed castle, and dreams of many more. It mirrors his lack of time management and messy ways of life. He can’t slay a dragon, he most likely will be the first to run from it. But he will make sure he runs behind his woman.
He has options, notions about relationships, and a past. He has baggage and scars, some still healing. He is uncomfortable and desirous at the same time, wary of succumbing and stoic to feel, vulnerable to wounds still and sometimes weak. He is not always brave, he is not always kind, he is not always respectful. But he doesn’t cross the line. He is not unaware of many others waiting for him to indulge. But our hero is honest. And he commits when he decides.
And what a pair they make! When they are together sparks fly, because one or both has a temper. They are great when it is good, and brutal when it is bad. They bring out the best in each other and the worst. They have fun, laughter and joy with bouts of despair, hurt and disappointment. They have passion for each other and a connection fostered by desire, respect and care. And that passion also makes them possessive, needy and afraid.
And that is when the story turns dark and our favorite couple get tested. When the dragon rears its head, the evil witch gains power, the colloquial villain enters the story with cellos playing in the background. Shadows of doubt, insecurity and mistrust spread, triggering irrational beliefs and childhood trauma our hero and heroine carry. One needs more than the other, one craves for less, one demands more time and attention, the other solitude and space. It is no longer a straight and narrow path of infatuation and attraction, it is now a sticky marsh of belongingness and safety. And nothing has prepared our hero and heroine for this mess.
Other stories don’t talk about the option of walking away. The don’t talk about the demons that reside within the leading couple. They don’t talk about the weakness, mistakes and failures. This story does. Our heroine has moments where she loses faith. Our hero has moments when he isn’t certain this is worth it.
As they stare into the murky dark path ahead, knees deep in muck, holding each other’s hands, they have doubts. They are afraid. They are uncertain. And that is when love gets tested. And that is when the other stories lie and say love conquers all. It doesn’t. It cannot.
Love isn’t enough. To walk through that murky land, our couple need the courage to take a chance on the other person. They need grit to see through the pain. They need to trust each other, and one won’t give up halfway in, and more than that they need to trust that even if they end up alone, they will find a way. And they need to find all this while they battle the dragons, witches and evil forces – whatever manifestation they have of the darkness they carry. Because they are not removed from it, they can only learn to tame it as they keep walking ahead.
We are all fairy tales in the making. We are both our hero and heroine. We don’t always need another to make our story complete. Sometimes we are left alone in those woods. Sometimes, we were always alone to walk those woods. And it is always up to us to find our way out, regardless of having someone on our side.
Nobody tells us that we will be our biggest and strongest villain. Defeating the beliefs that do us no good will be the most difficult in life. Helping ourselves is something we will need to learn because finding those tools harder than completing any chore. Nothing can prepare for the emptiness after possessing the castle and the horse. And that the songs, stories, poetries and plays don’t always portray reality – that we are flawed and so will be every person we meet.
Our hero and heroine will learn that one day, and when they do, together or alone, they will find their happy ending.
Alternative Philosophy 