The Yearning Never Stops

The yearning never stops.

It has been 10 years since I moved on from it. It has been 15 years and I’ve never had a taste of another. So much as happened since and in between.

But the yearning never stops.

I’ve tried therapy and religion. Spirituality and decadence. But nothing holy or evil makes the ache go away. It is a soft ache rooted so deep within, I can’t even place it anymore.

Is it my heart? It is my gut? Is it my soul?

Yearning. Such a mellow word for a feeling so ravenous. It has to guttural sounds to it which would match the feeling of being clawed from within. That’s what yearning is – chronic agony.

The soul often speaks through longing. It is patient and wise. The brain is a cold bitch. It only churns, prods, analyzes and segments things in ‘sense’ and ‘nonsense’. The heart, that’s an impulsive kid soaring at the hint of something and getting disappointed the next.

The soul yearns. Because it waits. Through countless failures, mistakes and regrets, it waits. Because the soul knows something the mind cannot fathom and the heart cannot endure.

.But yearning takes a toll. And the pain is borne by the heart and mind. What do you do with the constant ache?

You assuage it with simple pleasures.

You take lost time and turn it into cherishing every moment. Make the best of every situation. Draw out a map, make a bucket list, highlight the line you have never crossed – and do everything random to just feel. 

Exhilaration, anticipation, curiosity, anxiety, fear, thrill!

Do whatever it takes to numb that clawing from with sensations that, at least for some time, will dull the pain.

Because when you yearn, you can only make the wait worth the while.

The yearning never stops.