There comes a time when things fall apart, nothing goes as planned, all expectations are shattered, there are obstacles at every nook and corner, every bend of the road goes uphill and there is no end in sight. You feel frustrated, angry, helpless, afraid, sad, alone, stupid and hopeless.
You look back and see how far you’ve come thinking it’ll get better and it hasn’t, you know you kept telling yourself it’ll get easier and it didn’t, you realize that you’ve kept yourself going but nothing has changed and life seems to be stuck on that chapter of life where challenges pile on, you keep getting your heart broken constantly, your hopes dashed ruthlessly, your beliefs questioned constantly and you wonder…
what to do?
Do I keep going or do I stop?
I don’t know the right answer to that question. I can clinically diagnose, critically analyze and tell myself many reasons why I should hold on, plenty of ways in which I can change and a plethora of options available to life a different life.
But, that’s not the question really. That’s just want people always talk about. Change. Options. Opportunities. Mindset. Perspective.
I am bleeding inside and people somehow remain oblivious.
I know my choices, my strengths, my mistakes. I am aware. We are all always aware. We don’t need a consultant who charts us a success story. We want someone to understand that we are in pain.
I am in pain.
Peel off the daily humdrum, the mindless chatter, the desultory lunch conversations. Peel back the fake smiles and misleading expressions, the focus on work which silences those v voices for a while. Peel back what is said, what is shown, what is written. And then, perhaps, then, if you care, you’ll see the trembling fingers and moist eyes, the tears which form aimlessly and roll down without choice. Then you see the debris, the aftermath of days, months and years of servitude to hope… that goes unfulfilled.
If you give a fuck, don’t advise, just stay silent. If you don’t give a fuck, walk away.
But the most important lesson is for the one suffering.
You have tried, come far, raised your voice, kept quiet, tried to calm yourself and made escape plans. You have tried multiple times to walk away to regroup, recoup and revise all that has happened. It hasn’t worked. It isn’t working. It will not work.
Because if you still haven’t given up…